Wow, 17 already.. isn't that great? I just think it's wonderful. Anyways, I'm happy to say.. well I'm happy again.
I realized a lot of things last night, and I sorted it out all in my head and I had a breakthrough of all this horrible pain I was feeling and I looked back into my past unto days I remember from when I knew what happiness was and how to get back to it. So I did, and the first thing I did.. Was picked up the phone and called James.
He was apparently at the park down the street from his house, that's what his mom said. So I left my house like a gimp, and I didn't care how much it hurt to walk.. or run. So I got my crutches and I started walking.. his house is a fifteen minute walk so you can imagine what that must have been like if you've ever had a sprained ankle or anything and dont something wreck less like this. But I didn't care. So when I got there, I just saw him throwing a football back and fourth with one of his friends from school that I recognized. His friend had just caught the ball and James had his back to me so he didn't know I was standing there, his friend pointed at me and James turned around and looked at me and he looked back at his friend and he walked away with the ball, and me and James walked toward each other.
I didn't know what to say from there, everything up to that point had just been a Stand-on-a-table-and-declare-your-love-for-him kind of moment. And so he just said, "Hey, Kay. What are you doing here? Your supposed to be resting. " There was a silent pause as I was trying to think of what to say. He said "How are you?"
I thought for a quick second and said, "I missed you so, much. Ever since Friday.. I've been a mess without you. I went into this dark place and I shut everything out, I crawled away from everything that made me, me. And I just shut all of it out. I was a mess, I still am. I know you think this isn't going anywhere since then, and I just came here to tell you that your wrong. I know you've been really upset with me, and I am so so so sorry about every single thing that has happened. I don't wanna go another day feeling like I'm missing something, and that's you"
(PS- I said all of this on the edge of breaking down so I had tears in my voice and eyes, and he knew it) I spoke again, and said "I'm just sorry.. Please don't hate me forever"
He looked at me, looked down and waited a second to speak.. He said, "Yeah, me too. I know you screwed up, and I forgive you. I love you. " He hugged me and then looked at me again and said, "Stay for a while, I'll drive you home in a bit. I missed this.. You" I smiled and we walked back over to his friend and they started throwing again and I sat on the bench a few feet away from them. I smiled and said "Don't miss" He laughed and looked away again. And, that's my day.
And so as I've figured all of this complicatedness out.. I realized that it's all worth it. Even without anything, every single thing in your life is worth it. And don't waste a single second saying or doing the things your gonna regret, or you don't need. So yeah, be happy.
Thank you so much for the support and wisdom, Bella Merryweather.
And my mom, for helping me through being a teen. I love you.
Hope your all happy! <3
Love,
Kaytelynne.
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